Things that Make Me Happy, or, How to Run Away to Tuscany

 “What are four walls, anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It’s such a surprise.”

– Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes

Under the Tuscan Sun is one of my favorite movies to watch when I’m depressed and want to feel hopeful. Lately I’ve been feeling like I just want to run away to another country and become someone else entirely. Tuscany would be a great place to do that. I’ve never been to any other country outside of the U.S. except for that one spring break when my mom dragged me to Mexico with my step-dad. That’s where she conceived my half-sister, Ashley who was born when I was 16. Ashley was a great young woman, so full of life and so vibrant. I miss her very much. She died a few years ago when she was only 24. You see, my sister was bipolar, like me. She just couldn’t take the roller coaster ride anymore. I know exactly how that feels. Some days it’s just too much to even lift your head off the pillow or get out of bed just to go pee. These days are what I call “living nightmares.” It’s like the Dementors from Harry Potter have come to suck the life out of me and will never go away. Maybe I should nickname by bedroom Azkaban.

But on the days when my home doesn’t feel like a living hell due to haywire brain chemicals, I really enjoy being a homebody. I love my home. It’s like The Nester says on her blog, The Nesting Place. She says, “It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.” And I agree. I do what I can on a limited budget. Right now I am a full-time college student who, by my own choice, does not work so I spend a lot of time alone at home with my thoughts and my cat. Right now my bedroom is my favorite room in the house.

Mostly my bedroom is my haven. The place where I sleep, watch too many movies, write, dance and play. My home is an extension of myself and it feels empty without someone to share it with. And that is where I am right now. Wishing I could meet that special someone to help me make my house a home.

And that’s when I’m reminded of Frances Mayes’ quote from her book:

“What are four walls, anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It’s such a surprise.”

And I suspect that maybe I just have to be a little more patient. That that perfect someone will come along, even late in the game.

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3 thoughts on “Things that Make Me Happy, or, How to Run Away to Tuscany

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